Evolutionary Game Theory perspective: def. Distance & Expectation (=Degree of Trust) is a Fetishization of personal interaction that comes from Trust Escrow Systems. The following is the process:
- When we meet an unknown person (but one from a shared cultural TES), then we rely on the TES and we trust it, instead of the person themselves.
- However through sharing and caring, i.e. the exchange of Favors, and the human instinct of mirroring there develops (=fetishizes) a form of bond/trust (and people who feel such bonds are evolutionarily advantaged (source). Examples of D&E in action:
- Your communication doesn’t break down because you assume the Cooperative Principle
- You eat food grown, cooked and served by a stranger
- You lend the bank your money, and expect them to return it to you in the future
- You live in big apartments with hundreds of total strangers
罪の文化
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Asking & Giving Advice 2. Friends / Family / Relatives - Favors are important. Don’t hesitate to give and receive favors. 3. Acquaintances / Business Relationships - Manners are to everybody. Stagecraft works for everybody that interacts with you.
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Similar levels of people can be used for similar roles in your life. Multidependence.
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Where to Draw Lines. Personal Priority
- You’re not responsible for other people’s emotions, unless they cross the “inner circle.“Even then, you shouldn’t work on fixing other’s emotions directly.
- You’re also not responsible for other people’s emotions.
- Respecting Opinions is unnecessary for those below a certain level of expertise in the topic (but don’t show your disrespect).
- You need not allow any invasion of privacy of any emotional topics. What you share is completely your prerogative.
- Events. Go to events that…
- I have no personal priorities not to attend AND…
- Are clearly beneficial to a relationship OR social organization inclusion
- You’re not responsible for other people’s emotions, unless they cross the “inner circle.“Even then, you shouldn’t work on fixing other’s emotions directly.
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Q. Being Nice vs Being Stupid
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A. It depends. On…
- If your expectations match
- Social Environment and culture
- Communication beforehand
- How nice the other person is
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Saying what you want
- (Youtube) Why No One Can Understand Us Unless We Speak
- Ask vs. Guess Culture. Because you’re International, you need to especially speak out in America, and speak indirectly in Asia.
- We’re notoriously bad at understanding each other. When we have something we want, we need to communicate it. Say it out loud, in a clear, concise way without loaded emotion. Do this early on, before the frustrations pile and liger and rot.
- Though communication does not demand the other person to gratify our needs immediately it guarantees that our desires are communicated and will be a data point for the other person’s future decision-making.
恥の文化
- Concentric Circles ((Book) 「甘え」の構造)
- (Chosen) Family / Close Friends / Partnerships
- Expectation: Listening & telling me important life situations/emotions. Being fully vulnerable.
- Vulnerability.
- Important in moving a casual friend to a close friend.
- Emotionally nurtures you. When the other person returns it, it nurishes you.
- Deposit & withdrawal in a Reciprocity
- (Chosen) Family / Close Friends / Partnerships
Trust Within Organizations
In Social Organizations, all the above apply, including
- I am not responsible for the organization’s well-being
- Being Nice vs. Being stupid depends